The Relationship Autopsy

A postmortem examination to discover the cause

of death to a relationship or the extent of disease

it caused.

Relationships are one of the most talked about topics on social media, in therapy sessions, with life coaches/mentors, and between friends and families. Relationships have some of the most influential impact on our lives. Relationships can cause chaos during our lives if they are unhealthy and continue to affect us emotionally and physically similar to a medical disease. There are studies published worldwide showing the impact on happiness and overall quality of life based on the caliber of these relationships. Despite, knowledge on the significance and impact relationships have, how often do we hear people actively taking inventory or investing in improving the relationships in their lives?

The term Relationship Autopsy may seem a bit dramatic at first, but when a relationship ends the process is similar to  the grief and loss process if someone has passed. It also signifies the impact relationships have on our lives. A healthy or unhealthy relationship will play a significant role on how an individual makes choices in their life. No matter the type of relationship, parental, intimate, friendship, or familial at the end of one, there are feelings of loss.

When someone passes away, we think of grief and loss automatically but the Same IS true if the person is still living and no longer a part of our lives. Grief at a funeral is considered healthy. Now that you have read this blog grief after a relationship should be considered “healthy“. However, unlike death where prior to a funeral you could have requested an autopsy in this case AFTER the relationship ends the relationship autopsy begins. 
The relationship autopsy allows you to go back and examine what worked effectively in the relationship, what did not work, what did you learn from the relationship? Where can you grow? And what you can do to not repeat any of the same mistakes in future relationships?
Doing this increases self-awareness, breaks unhealthy relationship cycles, ends never ending toxic dating cycles, and increases empowerment.

SO WHY DO WE SKIP THE AUTOPSY? 

Some common reasons are: 

• To avoid the grief and loss stage or to avoid emotions completely
• To avoid the self-inventory of our own personal flaws
• Lack of awareness, not even knowing this step is necessary
• Instant fix of a new relationship is easier
  The loss of anything in life needs to be grieved appropriately if you want to move on in a healthy way. The loss of something for good or bad does not change the fact that feelings were once tied to that person. Moving on to a new relationship without grieving and performing the relationship autopsy is comparable to running a race with a broken leg, you ran It but knew you would not get very far. 

Being in a healthy relationship has one identifiable trait ( there are many more) of processing and healing trauma from past relationships. Most people cannot say that is true is because they have not done the relationships autopsy. I do not want to imply that a relationship autopsy is easy. It is not, and healing looks different for everyone.  It is also not easy to be unhealthy.

Feeling stuck, unsure if it’s you or them, continuing to try pick “the right person” , “waiting for the right sign”, or  “being on a better dating app” is exhausting . The key to a peace and confidence is doing the inner work on yourself to ensure you are the healthiest version of yourself PRIOR to beginning a relationship.

Some people may be reading this and thinking okay Sabrina we know! , but I didn’t know this!  I looked for things in all the wrong places and moved on with all the unhealthy wrong ways. My goal is to create awareness and to give everyone the tools necessary to be successful and break the unhealthy cycles in a easier way. All the things I needed in my journey. 

With Kindness,

Sabrina 

We cannot move forward if we don’t first heal what hurt us

-sabrina Pierce